5 Things: Bringing good vibes to dei (archive)

I recently facilitated a discussion for a group of ERG leaders, and we kept hitting the same wall: Leadership fatigue. Most of these leaders are struggling to find successors or even just a helping hand.

Black History Month is quiet again this year. But of course, Black people keep making history, like Laila Edwards, the first Black woman on the U.S. women’s Olympic hockey team. She’s out there breaking ice. Bonus good vibe!

I remember the moment I broke my own rule.

This week, on the subway in New York, two men got in my car pulling a cooler full of food. They were offering meals to anyone who needed one. They were also collecting donations. And smiles, one of them said.

I kicked off the year with a session for a fully remote sales team, and it got deep.

For years, 5 Things has been my way of sharing proof that positive systemic change is happening every day, all over, if we look closely enough.

The world needs some good vibes this week. I’m back, energized, and cheering you on. We’re going to need each other, and I think that’s actually a beautiful thing.

I’ve been an entrepreneur for over twenty years now and have met so many amazing people along the way—other entrepreneurs, authors, dreamers, and people who advocate for inclusion inside their own organizations. I’m cheering you on.

To make high-quality, engaging, and practical LGBTQ+ education available to individual learners, we completely overhauled our video on demand eLearning content. We have fresh videos, each averaging 3 minutes, bundled together in certificate tracks for everyone. We host on our LMS or deploy at scale on yours.

I’ve been writing 5 Things for more than six years and have produced nearly 150 podcast episodes. That’s a lot of time spent chasing the good vibes. And now, I’m taking a break.

I’m angry. But my outrage might look different from yours.

I live just outside Chicago, where ICE has been arresting (and then releasing) brown-skinned U.S. citizens, including nannies at a children’s museum, leaving the kids behind. Imagine that terror.

My in-laws are visiting this weekend, and we’re close now, but years ago, my mother-in-law was less than enthused when I came into the picture. I’ll never forget my first real conversation with her. She said something to the effect of, “So what’s your deal?”

This week I went to see the pop star Chappell Roan perform in New York. At one point, I looked around and we were all doing the Hot to Go dance. We were having a collective experience of joy. What a gift.

I asked a group this week to anonymously share: What hashtag would you use to describe inclusion at your company right now?

The news is exhausting. I don’t even watch it on TV or social media, and still it seeps in. Which tells me this is the perfect time to practice connection before content.

I’ve noticed from your survey responses that many of you work with people who say things like, “We get DEI already and it was overblown to begin with.”

August is always a quiet time for work, which means lots of time for pickleball. In fact, I’m competing in a local tournament today. At tournaments, there’s a lot of time for conversation and bonding while we wait and watch other matches. The feeling of belonging alone is worth the price of admission.

This week, in the middle of an in-person workshop, a participant raised their hand and said, “What’s the point of this? We did a workshop like this last year, and nothing changed. Leadership still sucks.” Many nodded. A few laughed. More hands went up.

Vacation, and its multitude of interactions with dozens of strangers, family, and old friends, was a great reminder for me that there are opportunities to connect everywhere we look. You can practice connection-building right now, today. It creates win-wins, for you and the other person. Use kind curiosity. Follow the ARC.

On 5 Things in 15 Minutes on Monday, I’ll be joined by Veronica Smith (no relation!), who will share some of the results of the Washington State LGBTQ+ survey. Veronica was one of the leads on the project, which was the first of its kind in the country. 

In a year where finding good vibes is harder than ever, I had an embarrassment of riches this week! So many stories to choose from. I’ll save some for next week, but I’m feeling optimistic. 

I recently did an exercise to discover my “why” in life (not just work). In doing so, I learned that our sense of purpose often comes from our unmet needs from childhood. I was a pretty lonely kid. My “why” is to help people have more authentic, playful experiences so everyone feels a little more seen and loved.

I didn’t know the full story of Juneteenth until a few years ago. I’d heard of it, but never really understood it. That’s embarrassing to admit as someone who’s done inclusion work for nearly two decades. But the truth is, I stayed in my lane. My gay lane. I called myself an ally, but I wasn’t practicing intentional allyship. I was safe. Comfortable. Separate.

Like many people, I’ve spent a lot of my life “walking on eggshells”. It started as a kid with a father whose temper taught me to stay quiet to keep the peace. For some, especially those from marginalized groups, walking on eggshells becomes a way to stay small and safe. For others, it’s about cancel culture, a fear of getting it wrong.

When I was a little kid, my dad wouldn’t let me have a lemonade stand because he thought neighbors would think we needed money. I was raised to be independent, not ask for help, and not talk about personal problems. Can you relate?

As a very slow (business-wise) Pride month approaches, despair and tears arrived on Tuesday. I even teared up a little in front of a client. It was a moment in which my authenticity risked being embarrassing, but ended up being connective. Have you ever had that experience?

It’s a long weekend in the U.S., and I don’t have a show on Monday. In the spirit of reflection, I decided to feed ChatGPT my 5 Things content over the past 5 years and tell me the top themes.

This week, I facilitated a “Rock Paper Scissors” (RPS) tournament. It’s a high-energy, super fun, large group activity, where, at the end, two people are competing in RPS while the group loudly cheers them on. The whole thing takes just a few minutes, but the energy it creates is electric.

The world has a new pope, Leo XIV, born here in Chicago. My partner was one of the many eagerly awaiting the announcement. No, she didn’t grow up Catholic like me; she was anxious because she’s deeply aware of his global influence. Was he going to be progressive or regressive? What would he say about LGBTQ+ people like us?