Why & How to Share Gender Pronouns at Work

A little background

The LGBTQ+ acronym may overwhelm some people and some may even consider it an “alphabet soup” of letters. The reality, however, is that young people (and not just young Americans) are increasingly identifying as not exclusively heterosexual and not exclusively male or female — in other words, they’re identifying outside the binary of gender (and sexuality). About 28% of Gen Z say they’re not straight per 2024 data from IPPM, and about 2% of those ID as transgender, according to Gallup.

More and more young people are coming out as LGBTQ+ — much more so than older generations. The future is fluid.

Although there’s still a lot of work to do to ensure that LGBTQ+ people are protected and feel safe, many organizations are increasingly inclusive of the spectrum of gender at work and in customer service.

Many airlines allow transgender and non-binary people to have a third gender option on their boarding passes. More than 15 U.S. states will issue a drivers license with X as the designated gender. The U.S., Canadian, Australian and other governments issue gender X on passports.

And 35% of those 7 to 22 years old know someone personally who uses gender neutral pronouns to describe themselves, according to Pew Research.

What are gender neutral pronouns?

Traditional gender pronouns such as she/her and he/him are pretty self-explanatory, but many folks who identify outside the gender binary use the singular “they” or even some new/neo pronouns to self-identify.

While the singular “they” may seem confusing, especially for grammar nerds, we actually use the singular “they” all the time. For example if someone left their phone in a conference room, we might say, “Someone left their phone.”

We probably wouldn’t say someone left his phone, or someone left her phone. But rather someone left their phone. We use the singular “they” all the time when gender doesn’t matter.

In fact the use of the singular “they” has become so popular as a gender inclusive pronoun that Miriam Webster Dictionary named it Word of the Year in 2019.

How to share gender pronouns at work to be an LGBTQ+ ally

One of the ways cisgender (that means that you identify with the gender the doctor assigned you at birth) people can be allies to transgender, non-binary, and gender nonconforming people is to proactively share their pronouns in their email signature and other places at work.

It’s pretty simple to update your email signature, video conferencing name, and social media name to include your pronouns. In fact, software like Zoom and LinkedIn allow you to preset your pronouns and Zoom even lets you choose whether or not to share them at the beginning of every meeting.

Sharing your pronouns sends a signal that you are an aspiring ally and reduces the risk of misgendering (or calling using the wrong pronouns or name for someone). Proactively sharing pronouns normalizes the discussion and de-stigmatizes transgender and non-binary folks who often must do this kind of education themselves.

Here’s what this can look like in practice:

How to ask gender pronouns at work

Beyond sharing in email signatures, we recommend getting comfortable with the phrase, “My name is ____ and my pronouns are ___. If you’re comfortable sharing, what are your name and pronouns?”

It will feel awkward at first. Keep practicing aloud with your pet, spouse, child, friend, or mirror to get those words flowing comfortably.

We also recommend proactively collecting pronouns on any sort of form that you use, such as an event registration form or other signup form. That way, you can and then include those pronouns on name badges or in your database, to make sure that you again reduce the risk of misgendering.

What if I mess up and use the wrong pronouns?

You will. It’s OK. Simply apologize sincerely (once), commit to doing better, and move onto the next topic. Don’t put the burden of comforting (or educating) you on the person you accidentally offended. You probably had the best of intentions, yet the impact may have been harmful. Take responsibility.

And if you want to self-educate, check out our LGBTQ+ Inclusive online courses!

How to respond to those who say, “I respect everyone but don’t feel the need to do anything differently.”

You may hear from some colleagues that they’re simply not interested in changing their behavior to be more inclusive. While you may be motivated to educate them, be careful of being self-righteous. Others can’t learn from you if they are turned off from listening to begin with.

Always come back to the organization’s core values and/or statement of purpose, especially those that are people-focused. Remind them that the organization is building a workplace where everyone should feel respected. That means giving all employees tools to be more inclusive of their diverse colleagues.

5 Things / Word of the Year

This week I learned that Dictionary.com named Allyship its Word of the Year. The term had first surfaced in the mid-1800s, but was only added to Dictionary.com last month after a spike in searches for terms like "ally" and "alliance." 

I don't know about you, but it gives me hope that a whole lot of people are searching for these words.

When I speak about allyship in my talks, I invite folks to reflect on who has been an ally for them in the past? Who took a chance on you? Who gave you a shot? Allyship is a way to "pay it forward." It's a responsibility. But it also requires consistency. It's not one and done.

But it is easier than you think, as long as we're willing to get out of our heads and use our words...often easier said than done. I created the ARC Method to help with that. 

Here are some of the good vibes I learned this week:

• Major League Soccer (MLS) updated its hiring policies to set higher diversity standards for itself and all the clubs. It now requires that the finalist pool for open technical positions have two or more BIPOC candidates with comparable experience, one of whom must be Black. To hold clubs accountable, MLS created a diversity policy portal in which clubs must submit all details of vacant technical positions and include information related to all candidates in the final candidate pool. These policies matter because they prioritize opportunities for Black candidates.

• I wrote about The Body Shop's open hiring program in my book Inclusive 360. The first candidate who applies for a job gets it, as long as they can lift 50 lbs, stand for 8 hours, and are legal to work. No background checks. This week I learned that despite the Great Resignation, The Body Shop stores are well-staffed, filling roles at a 100% rate using open hiring. This matters because work requirements are often overly-strict, creating a barrier for people to work. 

• There are some great wins in this article. The tech company Akamai removed unnecessary qualifications (such as long lists of programming languages not used in a particular role) from job postings. Wayfair developed a tool to scan performance reviews for racially biased language. Both of these changes can increase diversity, and in particular, the bias that pops up in performance reviews is a huge barrier to diversity within higher levels of organizations. 

5 Things / lessons

Sometimes I feel like being a leader means I’m in a near-constant state of asking myself, “OK, so what can I learn from this?”

I often look at work (and sometimes life) as an experiment. I’ve been a business owner for over 17 years now and it’s impossible to get it right all the time. And it’s certainly impossible to be all things to all people. My work, whether it’s writing, or speaking, or building and leading a team, is constantly being evaluated, tweaked, and adjusted along the way. But one thing being a business owner has taught me is to focus on progress over perfection. 

Your work towards creating a more diverse, equitable, and inclusive organization is also an experiment. There is no one way to do this work. Mistakes will happen and you might even accidentally offend someone. It's unrealistic to expect otherwise. But self-reflection, tweaking, and adjusting are (or should be) part of the process. I often say in my talks, “what matters is how you recover.”

Will you stall out or keep moving forward? 

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Here are some good vibes I found this week:

• There are some great virtual Pride ideas in this article which focused heavily on ActiveCampaign. Among other things, they had a drag queen read the children's book A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo, and made an effort to involve the employee resource groups for parents. AC's Pride group was inventive this June and there are some good ideas in this article you can file away for next year. This matters because virtual employee engagement can be challenging, and AC showed real creativity in how it builds allies.
  
  

• L'Oréal USA became the first company to achieve certification of pay equity across gender, race, ethnicity, age, ability, and LGBTQ identity. The company used a global third-party auditing company to certify the results. For L'Oréal, this is not a new initiative - they got started in 2011. This shows a real commitment and matters to the underrepresented employees who will benefit from equal pay for equal work.
  
  

• The abortion law that recently passed in Texas is the strictest and most archaic in the U.S., and most companies said nothing. The dating app companies Match and Bumble, however, created relief funds to help people affected by the law. Uber and Lyft said they would cover all legal costs for any of their drivers who get sued for driving a customer to an abortion clinic. This matters because those companies used their influence and power to speak out against a law that is abhorrent and will affect thousands of people.
  
  

• Speaking of Bumble, the woman-led company unveiled a fantastic new employee leave policy which includes, among other things, 20 days paid time off for victims of domestic violence and 15 days paid time off for grief. This matters because employee wellbeing matters and a generous employee leave policy is a signal to employees that they matter.
  
  

• The Football Association of Ireland is now paying equal match fees for its men and women's teams. There was previously a €2000 disparity. The men's teams willingly took a pay cut to create pay parity. This matters because it shows allyship on behalf of the men, and because equal pay for equal work is just the right thing to do.

Image by Chaos Soccer Gear

5 Things / back to school edition

Most kids are officially back in school, so I'm dedicating this edition of 5 Things to some of the kids books created by wonderful folks in my network. It's never too early to start talking to kids about diversity. Note: these books are for younger kids. 

• Little Allies: this empowering book illustrates how kids can be allies to their peers
  

• Charlotte Wants a BFF: a sweet book about two BFFs who learn from each other's differences
  

• My Grown-Ups: a joyful book where families in the diverse neighborhood celebrate their differences
  

• Hi, I'm Ella: meet Ella and her delightful diverse friends (and learn their pronouns!)
  

• Katy Has Two Grampas: Katy has a lisp and is afraid to speak in class, but she wants to introduce her two grampas (who are married to each other)

Image by Aaron Burden

5 Things / finding the win-win

This week I learned about an incredible and simple policy change that Expedia made as part of its pandemic response. They discovered that they had IT staff who had less to do with employees no longer onsite. Some of these IT help desk employees were facing a furlough. 

At the same time, they realized that many of their employees were now struggling to balance work from home with supporting their kids in remote learning. Those parents were looking for extra help.  Expedia found the win-win. They created a policy which allows employees' children to call its IT help desk for assistance with tech problems. They even sent out a few replacement laptops. That may sound like a tech person's worst nightmare -- but the move prevented furloughs. 

I love this policy because it's a clever and creative solution to two problems. Time and again, I've witnessed incredible creativity in 2020. I've witnessed people-first leadership. I've witnessed companies leading with purpose. I've read hundreds of commitments made towards a more equitable future -- public commitments to which companies will be held accountable. 

Let's make sure we push that accountability. We each have more influence than we may think.

Here are the good vibes I found this week: 

• Earlier this year, Zappos unveiled a test program where people could buy single shoes or mixed-size pairs. This Zappos Adaptive program has now been expanded to offer a much bigger selection of brands. This matters because the products are now more inclusive of people with disabilities -- and even skateboarders who often wear out one shoe more quickly...

• Beginning in January, a class on Black & Latinx history will be offered in all public high schools in Connecticut. As of July 2022, the class will be mandatory. This matters because the experiences and contributions of Black and Latinx people (and LGBTQ people) have been significantly overlooked in general history class. This new policy corrects that.

• Chobani Yogurt's founder is a refugee who launched the Tent Foundation to help other refugees. In a partnership with the the Human Rights Campaign, 1,250 LGBTQ refugees from countries where it's not safe to be openly LGBTQ, will receive mentorship from dozens of companies in virtually every industry. This matters because it provides access and opportunities to people with a host of marginalized identities.

• Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, added his pronouns to his Twitter profile. So did Vice-President Elect Kamala Harris. You can do this, too. This matters because it sends a signal to under-represented people, especially transgender people, that you want to be their ally.

Thanks for all you do to build a more inclusive world-

All the best,

Image by: Pinterest