What You Think Is Polite Might Be Perceived as Dismissive
You’re having a conversation with a client, and you’re doing your best to be polite. You smile, make eye contact, and offer a few “thank yous” here and there. You’ve been trained to be courteous and professional.
But here’s the catch: What you think is polite might not land the way you intend.
Across different cultures, ideas of politeness can vary wildly. In some cultures, making direct eye contact is a sign of respect. In others, it can be perceived as aggressive.
In some cultures, asking personal questions is friendly. In others, it’s invasive.
And in some settings, being overly “casual” might actually be seen as disrespectful.
So what do you do when your politeness falls flat, or worse—when it creates discomfort?
This is where the ARC Method® can help you navigate cultural differences with clarity, respect, and connection.
Step 1: Ask – Clarify Cultural Preferences Early
The simplest way to avoid missteps is to ask before you assume. A few well-placed questions at the start of your relationship can help you understand what your client values most in interactions.
“Is there a way you prefer I address you during our meetings?”
“I want to make sure I’m being respectful—are there any cultural norms I should be mindful of in our communication?”
“How do you like to give and receive feedback?”
These questions help set the stage for genuine understanding.
They also show that you care about aligning with their preferences—not just relying on your own cultural lens.
Step 2: Respect – Listen and Adapt to Cues
Once you’ve asked, the next step is to actively listen for non-verbal cues. Respecting what’s said (and unsaid) in response will guide you in adjusting your approach.
Body language: If your client seems uncomfortable with direct eye contact, tone it down. If they step back when you extend a handshake, follow their lead.
Silence: In some cultures, silence is an important part of communication—it’s a time for reflection or consideration. In others, silence may feel uncomfortable. Don’t rush to fill every pause with words.
These cues will help you determine how to proceed with your conversation while staying respectful.
Step 3: Connect – Align on Shared Understanding
Finally, connect by following up with your client to check that your approach is landing well. You don’t need to make every conversation a deep dive into culture, but regularly checking in shows you’re committed to mutual respect.
“I really appreciate your feedback during today’s conversation. If there’s ever anything I can do to communicate more effectively, I’m open to suggestions.”
“If there’s ever a way I can adjust my approach to make things more comfortable for you, just let me know.”
By connecting in this way, you reaffirm your commitment to the relationship and ensure that any cultural nuances don’t get lost in translation.
What This Looks Like in Practice
Imagine you’re meeting a new client from Japan. You extend your hand for a handshake, but they bow instead.
If you don’t know this cultural norm, you might feel unsure of how to respond.
Instead of forging ahead with what feels comfortable to you (shaking hands), you pause, acknowledge, and adapt.
You might say something like:
“I see that bowing is customary here—thank you for letting me know! I’ll follow your lead.”
This small but significant gesture shows you respect the client’s culture, and it also helps you avoid unintentionally being seen as rude.
Why This Matters Now
As the world becomes more connected, the chances for cross-cultural interactions increase. Whether you’re in sales, consulting, or client success, your ability to navigate cultural differences with grace and respect is more critical than ever.
When you’re mindful of how your politeness might be perceived—and use the ARC Method® to check in with your clients—you’ll not only avoid awkwardness, but you’ll also build trust and rapport that last.
Try This
The next time you meet someone from a different cultural background, ask one question about their communication preferences.
Reflect on a recent interaction where you felt your politeness didn’t land well. What might you have done differently using the ARC Method®?
Practice reading non-verbal cues: How does the person’s posture or tone change? What do you think that means?
Want to make sure your communication is always culturally aware and client-centered?
Come As You Are is our workshop that equips teams with the tools to engage thoughtfully, listen actively, and respond respectfully to all clients—no matter their cultural background.