Building Trust When You Don’t Share the Same Identity or Background
You walk into a meeting and immediately notice the differences.
Maybe it’s race. Or age. Or gender, nationality, or religion.
Whatever it is, you feel it.
And suddenly, you’re not just thinking about the pitch—you’re thinking about how you are being perceived.
“Will they trust me?”
“Will I say the wrong thing?”
“Do they think I don’t get it?”
You’re not alone. In an increasingly diverse business world, these moments happen more often.
And while you can’t control identity dynamics, you can control how you show up—and how you build trust.
That’s where the ARC Method® comes in.
Step 1: Ask – Focus on Understanding, Not Assumptions
The temptation when you don’t share the same background is to either ignore the difference… or overcompensate for it.
ARC teaches a better way: get curious about the person, not the category.
Ask questions that invite clarity and connection—not ones that center your discomfort.
Try:
“What’s important to you in how we work together?”
“Are there any preferences or needs I should be aware of as we begin this project?”
“How do you like to receive updates or navigate decisions as we go?”
These questions signal that you’re not assuming sameness—or tiptoeing around difference. You’re interested in them.
Step 2: Respect – Be Mindful of How You Listen and Respond
Respect isn’t just about what you say. It’s how you listen.
It’s the nod that shows you’re tracking.
The pause before jumping in.
The quiet acknowledgment that says, “I hear you.”
When you’re working across lines of difference, respectful listening matters even more. Because your client is likely scanning too, asking:
“Do they really see me?”
“Can I trust them with this information?”
You don’t have to prove you understand every nuance. You do have to demonstrate care.
Try:
“Thank you for sharing that—I really value you being open with me.”
“I may not have lived that experience, but I’m here to support you however I can.”
“That’s helpful context. I appreciate your trust.”
And sometimes? Respect means saying nothing at all. Just holding space.
Step 3: Connect – Build Trust Through Consistency, Not Similarity
Shared identity can make connection feel easier—but it’s not a prerequisite for trust.
Trust comes from doing what you say you’ll do.
From circling back. Following up. Getting the name right. Showing you care enough to try again.
Connection isn’t about pretending you’re the same—it’s about being reliable, open, and real.
You might not know what it’s like to be in their shoes.
But you can show up with integrity every time you interact.
That’s where long-term credibility is built.
What This Looks Like in Practice
You’re a white, U.S.-born project manager. Your new client is a Black executive based in the UK. She’s also queer and leading a team through a cultural transformation.
You’re aware of the differences. You want to be sensitive—but not performative.
So you begin your first call by saying:
“I’m excited to work with you. Let me know what communication or collaboration styles work best for you. I’m here to support your goals in whatever way is most helpful.”
You listen more than you talk. You follow through on every commitment.
Over time, she doesn’t just trust you—she refers you.
You didn’t over-identify. You over-delivered.
Why This Matters
Clients are increasingly diverse—not just demographically, but in their lived experiences, communication preferences, and cultural expectations.
And that means professionals can’t rely on “relating” as their only trust-building tool.
You can’t always say, “Same here.”
But you can always say, “I care.” And back it up with your actions.
The ARC Method® helps you do that—without the guesswork or fear of getting it wrong.
Try This
Think about a current client whose identity or background differs from yours. Have you asked them what trust looks like for them?
Practice one ARC-style question in your next 1:1 meeting.
Reflect on how you demonstrate respect without words. Are there moments when silence speaks more clearly?
Want your team to build real trust across lines of difference?
Come As You Are is our most-requested foundational session. It teaches professionals how to communicate with empathy, clarity, and credibility—especially when identities don’t align.