When a Client Misgenders Your Colleague: What to Do in the Moment
Let’s be real: you want to support your team and you also don’t want to make it awkward. When a client misgenders a colleague—using the wrong name, pronouns, or outdated assumptions—most people freeze. It’s one of those do I say something or will it backfire? moments.
You can protect your teammate and your client relationship. You just need a roadmap. And that’s where the ARC Method® comes in.
Step 1: Ask – Clarify and Redirect Gently
Imagine your client refers to your colleague (who uses they/them pronouns) as “she” throughout the call. Rather than calling them out mid-sentence, you can pause when there’s space and say:
“Hey, I just want to clarify before we keep going. Jordan uses they/them pronouns. Thought I’d mention it in case you missed that.”
Short. Calm. Respectful. You’re offering a correction, not a confrontation.
Step 2: Respect – Acknowledge the Misstep Without Shaming
Your client may stumble. They may apologize. Or they may shrug. Here’s your moment to stay professional and model respect.
“No worries. A lot of people are still getting used to it. What matters is we keep trying.”
This helps defuse defensiveness and normalizes learning. It also shows your team you’ve got their back.
Step 3: Connect – Tie It Back to Team Trust and Inclusion
Close the loop by affirming the shared goal: smooth collaboration.
“We’re committed to making sure everyone feels seen and respected—it helps us do better work together.”
This isn’t political. It’s practical. And it signals to your colleague that you see them, which builds the kind of trust that drives performance.
Script in Action
Client: “She’s doing a great job so far!”
You: “Thank you! Just a heads up—Jordan uses they/them pronouns.”
Client: “Oh, I didn’t realize. That’s quite an adjustment.”
You: “No problem, it takes practice. Thanks for being open to learning.”
Simple. Kind. Done.
Try This Now:
Practice your go-to phrase: “Just a heads up—[Name] uses they/them pronouns.”
Role-play with a teammate.
Add pronouns to your own signature and Zoom name as a leadership cue.
Remember: you’re not being “extra.” You’re modeling care.