The Problem with “Treat Everyone the Same” in a Diverse World
“I just treat everyone the same.”
If you’ve ever said—or heard—that phrase in a professional setting, it probably came from a good place. A desire to be fair. To be respectful. To not play favorites.
But here’s the catch: Treating everyone the same often results in unequal outcomes.
Especially in a workplace (and world) where your clients, colleagues, and customers are increasingly diverse—in identity, background, communication style, and lived experience.
So let’s talk about why this mindset misses the mark—and what to do instead.
Same ≠ Fair
Imagine you’re hosting a dinner party. One guest is vegan, one keeps kosher, one has celiac, and one is allergic to peanuts.
You decide to treat everyone the same—and serve lasagna with a side of garlic bread and peanut butter cookies.
See the problem?
Your intention was good. Your execution didn’t take into account what people needed to be included.
Fairness doesn’t mean sameness. It means consideration. It means equity. It means asking enough questions to get it right.
In the Workplace, It Looks Like This:
A leader gives every team member the same amount of feedback—but one person craves direct coaching, and another shuts down without context.
A manager enforces the same schedule for everyone—but someone’s managing chronic illness, or caregiving, or fasting during Ramadan.
A client-facing employee assumes a “neutral” tone—but unintentionally erases identity-based preferences or cultural cues that matter.
In each case, treating everyone the same creates disconnection. Misalignment. Sometimes even harm.
And over time? It breaks trust.
So What’s the Alternative?
Instead of treating everyone the same, treat them with intention. And use the ARC Method® to guide you.
Step 1: Ask
“How do you like to receive feedback?”
“Anything I should be mindful of for our meeting today?”
“I’d love to hear what makes you feel most supported.”
This step alone can transform relationships. It signals curiosity. It prevents assumptions. It says, you matter.
Step 2: Respect
Respect means listening for what’s being said—and what’s not. It means:
Don’t interrupt.
Don’t jump to conclusions.
Don’t override someone’s preferences with your own comfort.
It might even mean saying very little. Acknowledging. Being fully present.
Step 3: Connect
This is where you close the loop. You take what you’ve learned from Ask and Respect, and you show that you’ve heard them.
“Thanks for letting me know that it helps to have agendas in advance. I’ll do that going forward.”
“I know you prefer we use your chosen name when introducing you—I’ve updated our materials.”
Now you’re no longer applying a blanket rule. You’re building a custom-fit relationship. You’re showing inclusion in action.
This Isn’t About Extra Work. It’s About Better Work.
You don’t have to become fluent in every culture, identity, or life experience.
But you do need to lead with curiosity and care.
Because what makes people feel seen and valued isn’t always the same.
And when they are seen and valued?
They contribute more.
They collaborate better.
They stay longer.
Try This
Think of a time someone assumed what you needed—and got it wrong. How did it feel?
Ask a team member or client: “What helps you feel included in our interactions?”
Replace “I treat everyone the same” with: “I try to meet people where they are.”
Ready to help your team move from sameness to intentional inclusion? Check out our collection of workshops.