Recovering from Misgendering a Guest
Misgendering is the act of using the wrong pronoun or term to describe someone's gender. An example of this is if an associate uses the word "sir" when addressing a person who identifies as female or gender non-binary.
So, your team member has accidentally offended a transgender or gender nonconforming guest by using the wrong pronoun. Now you have a guest who is correcting the associate and the associate is feeling awkward or uncomfortable. How do you recover from the situation and keep your company's brand intact? Recovering from a misgendering incident is actually easier than it sounds.
Don't worry - this happens a lot. Unfortunately, for many trans and gender nonconforming guests, it's actually a routine occurrence. Our survey tells us that 82% of transgender and gender nonconforming guests have been misgendered in a public space in the past year by an employee. Here are a few comments from our survey respondents on how they like you to respond and recover from a misgendering situation:
Don't freak out and make it "a thing" if you misgender me. Apologize, correct yourself, and move on.
When they employee realizes they have misgendered me, and even though I never make a big deal about it, they get embarrassed and make things more awkward or even get hostile with me as if I was trying to deceive them.
I am consistently afraid of awkward interactions where someone calls me by one pronoun, then decides they have made a mistake and apologizes repeatedly or offers explanations for their mistake. Please just focus on providing the service, not on your insecurities about my gender expression.
The bottom line again here, is to keep it simple. Apologize quickly and move on. Your intentions are what matter and if it's accidental, you apologize sincerely and you don't make a big deal out of it, the customer will be forgiving and remain loyal.
Has this ever happened in your space? How did your team member recover?
A customer walks into your facility…
A customer comes into your business, restaurant or other establishment. How is that customer typically greeted? Commonly, we hear things like, "Good afternoon, ma'am" or "Good morning, sir." Without even realizing it, a simple comment like that could actually be offensive to a guest who is transgender or gender nonconforming.
As I've mentioned before, there are an increasing number of people who are identifying as gender non-binary, gender fluid or gender queer and don't fit neatly into those binary male and female boxes. For those guests, use of the word "sir" or "ma'am" is actually offensive and uncomfortable. They don't feel respected or seen. Your associate may be misgendering them completely by accident, but it could mean an awkward scenario and loss of a customer for life. One of our survey respondents told us:
My gender doesn't change the fact that I'm human. "Sir/ma'am" is the worst nightmare of some of us. As a transman, I've been called "ma'am" or included in a greeting of "ladies" when with my wife, and it makes me want to never return to that establishment. Using gender-neutral terms can be more comfortable for everybody.
So what should your associates be saying instead? Going back to my 11th grade social studies teacher Mr. Albright, the KISS method works best. KISS equals Keep It Simple Stupid. In this case, it means that all you have to do is leave off the "sir" or "ma'am". In a group of people, don't use the terms girls, guys, ladies or gentlemen - all gendering terms.
The best solution is actually to strip those gendered words out of your associate's vocabulary so we don't accidentally offend any gender nonconforming customers. It's easier than it sounds. Here are some greetings that don't use gender:
Good afternoon! How are you today?
What can I get for you folks?
Hi there! Can I help you with anything?
Did you find everything you were looking for?
Urban Outfitters Denies Preferred Changing Room to Trans Guest
You may have seen this viral story about an employee from Urban Outfitters who denied a trans guest the preferred changing room. In this case, the customer who identifies as gender fluid and uses the pronouns they and she was initially taken to the wrong dressing room, away from their friend who is female-identified. The customer eventually was given a dressing room in the women's area, but far away from their friend.
Urban Outfitters' response wasn't very satisfactory and deferred to the laws. In California (unlike other places like New York City), there is no law requiring stores and restaurants to let guests use the bathroom and changing room that reflects their gender identity.
In this case, the employee's best response would have been to ask the guest which changing room they prefer. Asking may seem awkward, but it's actually far less awkward than the ensuing response when a mistake is made. The worker could have simply said, "which changing room do you prefer?" and let the guest decide which is more accurate given their gender identity.
photo by Walt Cessna
Guidelines to Enhance Your Company's LGBTQ Inclusivity
Ensuring your LGBTQ team members feel safe and valued at work starts with human resources policies that respect their role in the work place.
Policies and Benefits
Include sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression in non-discrimination and anti-harassment policies.
Recognize LGBTQ couples/families with equal access to all company benefits.
Ensure that global health coverage includes complete health benefits for transgender employees.
Talent Management and Professional Development
Establish and support LGBT employee resource groups.
Recruit, hire, and offer mentoring to LGBT employees
Provide leadership development experiences specifically for LGBT employees.
Track recruitment and career development metrics for LGBT employees who choose to self identify.
Workplace Climate
Provide diversity training with specific reference to LGBT issues
Use anonymous climate surveys to measure effectiveness of LGBT diversity policies and programs.
Include LGBT diversity objectives in management performance goals.
Communicate routinely to all employees about how the organization supports its LGBT workforce.
Community Commitment
Support nonprofit groups working for LGBT equality.
Sponsor and encourage visible participation in LGBT cultural events.
Include LGBT images in marketing and advertising strategies .
Include LGBT owned businesses in supplier diversity program objectives.
Advocacy and Corporate Responsibility
Be a visible role model for LGBT workplace equality in the community.
Support public policy efforts that protect LGBT workplace equality.
Oppose actively any attempts that would limit or restrict LGBT workplace equality.
Adapted from Out & Equal's 20 Steps to an Out and Equal Workplace
Workplace Gender Identity Guidelines
Out and Equal Workplace Advocates is an LGBTQ nonprofit committed to creating safe workplaces for LGBTQ employees to be out about their sexual and gender identities. This is not always an easy or safe proposition given that, in 29 states, anti-discrimination laws don't include protection on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. In essence, someone can be fired for being gay in 29 states.
Fortunately, many major corporations have their own policies which protect their LGBTQ employees and provide them with equal treatment and opportunities. You can see a list of the U.S. companies (with 500+ employees) that are rated as "Best Places to Work for LGBTQ Employees" in the Human Rights Campaign Corporate Equality Index.
Through the work of nonprofit organizations like Out and Equal and companies like The Equality Institute, workplaces are becoming safer for all employees. For example, Out and Equal created a guidebook on transgender issues full of suggested human resources policies and other considerations to ensure that trans employees feel safe. You can download that guidebook here.
One consideration for your transgender employees is restroom access. Adhering to these guidelines specifically on best practices in restroom access for transgender employees can ensure all employees are valued, leaving your entire team energized and inspired. Equal treatment is just good for business.